An unusual situation keeps presenting itself at our house. If you have any great suggestions or ideas after you're done reading, please let me know!
A bit of background. Our new neighborhood here in Burlington is great - very friendly, lots of kids, not much traffic and very safe. There are always kids out in the street playing hockey, riding bikes, etc. In fact, our yard used to be an extension of the neighborhood, almost like a playground for anyone and everyone. We have a big yard with a trampoline, play structure, and lots of fun stuff to do, so it was quite an attraction. The people who we bought the house from were sadly going through a divorce, which I'm sure has been hard on their 3 kids (aged 10, 12 and 14). The mom and kids moved just a few blocks away, into something much smaller, and left their trampoline behind. Well, the 12 year old still spends a lot of time in our neighborhood, with the people who live across the street. Every so often, the doorbell rings, and it's this boy, asking to come and jump on the trampoline and play in the yard. Several months ago, we had let him and some other (older) kids come over, but of course they don't want to play with our kids, they want to play with our stuff. This boy still seems to see our place as his, and no wonder, as he grew up here. I always now tell him that no, he can't come and play here, because I feel like that is completely inappropriate, and I don't want a bunch of older kids running through my yard as though it's a public playground. I can imagine how intimidating that would be for our kids. But he doesn't seem to be getting the hint.
I don't have the heart to tell him to please not ask anymore, because the reality is, I probably won't ever say yes. But that probably means he'll just keep asking. I think he's old enough to understand what's going on, and that this is no longer his house. I feel sad for him and his family situation. But does that mean I need to let him come play in the yard? Am I being mean and selfish? We love having people over, and regularly have a slew of kids in the backyard that our kids play with. In that sense, we are not private people. But a part of me does want to keep something for just us, and not open up our yard for anyone who happens to go by. A final note on that subject - once, as a group of boys was leaving our yard, one of them had the nerve to ask if they could go in the hot tub! Should be an interesting summer...
I'd love some input on how to handle this tactfully and kindly! Thanks for reading!
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2 comments:
My sweet, stick with your "no." It is appropriate, it is setting healthy boundaries, and it is putting your kids first, which is your job. The boy has moved, his life has changed. Sad as that may be, it is not your job to try to fix it by letting him play in his old backyard. You are doing the right thing. Ultimately it's your house, your kids, your comfort level. The safety and sweet innocence of your babes is precious and my guess is that you don't need older kids there who aren't interested in being their friends. Older friendships can be a huge blessing, but this situation seems different. This boy is clinging to what he once knew as a happy place--his world has been rocked, but really...it's his parent's job to help him deal with all of his mixed emotions, not yours.
There's my 2-bits worth. :)
Can't wait to see you in 9 more sleeps!!! :)
Yeesh! I sort of know how you feel with our crazy neighbours across the back alley in Calgary. Her 2 boys were always playing in our yard and not very careful about closing gates so that my little guys didn't run into the street. There were times I had to be quite forceful in that no they could not play in our yard when we were gone or without first asking. That being said my boys seem to love these other boys and so I set strict rules but let them play.
Your situation however does seem different and I agree with your other friend that you just need to keep saying no. Hopefully some day soon the boy will take the hint and stop asking.
Good luck!
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